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Thursday, December 4th, 2008
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9:26 pm
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soobs said i need to realize that sometimes it's ok to let people take care of me.
i'm just not exactly sure how to do that.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, October 29th, 2008
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1:30 am
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| Sunday, August 31st, 2008
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6:07 pm - and so i painted
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i painted last night.
it was a very good experience.
i'm "partying" tonight for the first time this semester.
we'll see.
i want to meditate in scotland with cal.
i like the emails.
spreading the good word.
my arms feel like they're a million miles long.
yeah. i'm there.
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| Wednesday, August 27th, 2008
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10:43 pm - The Power of Now
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I'm really excited to start reading this book.
I want to be "spiritually enlightened".
I feel like it's going to have a lasting impression on me.
That's fine.
I hope it does.
My heart has been really heavy lately, but for the most part it's been a good heavy.
When I said I wanted to share my love for life with others, I was serious.
Allyson's encouraging words reaffirmed why I think and act the way I do.
My deepest desire is, ready for it?...
For everyone else to love and appreciate their lives, the world, and everything in between as much as I do.
It honestly hurts my heart when I come across people who can't see what I see.
That there is so much more good in life than there is bad.
Is this weird?
Like, are other people as consumed with the idea of universal contentment as I am?
I know they're not, but I wish they were.
And that is why I've decided to start a movement, to achieve universal contentment.
It's really simple to get involved and basically this is how it works:
-In order to spread the happiness with others first, you need to have it within yourself and that takes time. i found mine through nature. you just need to figure out what brings you to your highest level of happiness/tranquility/peace.
-Once you've figured out what brings you to that place, take time to explore it. Spend some time learning all you can about your agent of peace.
-In the process of exploring your peace agent you'll hopefully notice a change in the way you view the world and deal with stressful situations because with the exploration of the agent should come increased happiness. I mean makes sense right? and an increased level of happiness causes you to focus less on the bad and more on the good.
-If you think that you've found a way to channel that happiness even during bad times, then you're ready. You've found a way to tap into your inner happiness/peace and knowing that you're able to do that will bring you a sense of contentment. it's comforting to know you have the ability to do that.
-Now, the whole purpose of the movement is to share your happiness/tranquility/peace with other people. I do that by simply doing nice things for people, and trying to be the light in their lives. I always try to look at the positives, and in doing so, you plant this little seed of happiness in other people. =] they harbor that bit of happiness and hopefully it grows in them. If they're stressing about something, teach them positive ways to relieve it. if you talk to people, and you do it with a sense of confidence and you show them that you're living testimony of the power of good vibes and positive thinking, they'll listen.
word, this probably all sounds really stupid, but i'm determined. i'm starting a movement and it will catch on. =]
current mood:  peaceful
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| Tuesday, August 26th, 2008
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2:48 am - So much shit man
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I don't know where to begin.
But then again, I never do.
Summer has been great.
Many more good times than last summer.
I have definitely done alot of soul searching too.
I learned how to be happy this summer and it stems from a genuine love/appreciation for life.
My connection with nature has become really strong and I feel like that is a big factor in my happiness.
I have decided that it is my goal/mission/duty/whatever to spread the love that I have for life to as many people as possible.
Friday I leave for school.
I have alot coming up in the next month that I'm looking forward to.
Busy with Stonewall in September.
Getting off to a solid start with my schoolwork.
Bedtime Players audtions.
It'll be nice to just sit back and observe the hopeful auditioners instead of being one.
Leaving...I have mixed feelings, but I need to go.
Like, now.
ok, there was more to this, but I'm in no mood to write
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| Monday, June 23rd, 2008
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9:25 pm
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"You're over tired, under pressure, lost somewhere between
A rock and a hard place, a liar, a two-face, a nightmare and a dream.
You're losing sleep and you're losing friends, the only things you're still finding are dead ends. The consistency you need to get back on your feet is me - you need a friend."
Download Adventure+'s new CD, In Case of Fire for free!
Follow the link on their myspace- www.myspace.com/adventureplusma
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
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2:02 am - I Hate Research Papers With a Passion...
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Last weekend was good.
Lots of fun things:Fan4, Pride for a little, Queer Prom, Moustache adventures.
Busy week already and it's barely tuesday.
I pulled an all-nighter last night and am doing so again right now.
10-12 page research paper.boo.
Shat on my French oral exam.HAZAH!
Queer grad was good.
Good turnout.
Wednesday will be a good day.
Stonewall breakfast.
Bedtime players lunch.
Dinner at Morgan's casa.
Diva's for Lauren's B-day.
Head rubs and sleeping in the big comfy bed =]
Thursday Sociology exam.
Then crunk ALLLLLLL weekend.
No worries.
It will be nice.
Exam the 20th and I'm out.
All is well again.
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| Tuesday, May 6th, 2008
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4:25 pm - The Dutch Courage
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I've written and deleted this entry about 5 times now.
Too much to say.
I gave up...
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 30th, 2008
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1:03 am - Marry Me Nick Thomas...
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I'll have sex with you for this:
If your feet hurt from walking too much,
Than I will tend to them with a velvet touch.
If your lungs just don't wanna work today,
Than I'll perform a mouth to mouth until you're OK.
Don't you just love,
The feeling of my fingertips,
Circling your lips.
Don't you just love,
The desire taking hold of you.
I can tell you do.
I know all your favorite spots,
And tonight we will connect the dots.
If your muscles are wound up and tight,
Than I will loosen up the knots until it feels right.
If your ears just ache from listening,
Than I'll supply the remedy in the melodies I sing.
Don't you just love,
The feeling of my fingertips,
Circling your lips.
Don't you just love,
The desire taking hold of you.
I can tell you do.
I know all your favorite spots,
And tonight we will connect the dots.
Don't you just love,
The feeling of my fingertips,
Circling your lips.
Don't you just love,
The desire taking hold of you.
I can tell you do.
I know all your favorite spots,
And tonight we will connect the dots.
So good.
probs bedded mad heads.
I'm feeling better.
Still kinda bummin.
But alot better.
About to do mad homework.
Good stuff.
Adderall is key.
Lowell next friday?
It's possible!
current music: Until The Day I Die-Story of the Year
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| Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008
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12:56 am - Ouch
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My heart hurts for so many reasons right now.
This is too much.
toomuchtoomuchtoomuch.
It's too late to call anyone.
I'm trying so hard to keep my pact with Emma.
Really hard.
So I'll write instead.
but I have nothing to say.
Except that my heart really hurts right now.
so much.
so many things i cant say.
i had a nightmare the other night.
unsafe.
went to vermont this weekend.
had fun.
escaped life for a while.
im done with this.
i cant.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, April 14th, 2008
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2:07 pm - Really, Brad?
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Brad DeFlumeri is the only person in the entire world that pisses me off this much. The email he is referring to is at the bottom. I had to refrain from sending him a very angry email, so this is my response to him:
BRAD's EMAIL:
Why is the enormous (1000+ student) UMASS Signature Responsibility email
list AGAIN being used for these ridiculous purposes???
Let me state for the record that the UMass Republican Club finds these
emails being sent on the UMass server a **criminal and incomprehensible
waste of valuable taxpayer-funded IT resources and unconditionally
absurd**.
I have cc'd 14 state elected representatives - 8 state reps and 6 state
senators - for their perspective on this matter.
I don't care about a "queer graduation invite" and if these gay rights
activists at Hampshire College have access to the entire school SR email
list here at **UMASS**, then why don't I – a fee-paying and taxpaying
UMass student and citizen of the Commonwealth, and leader of one of the
largest and most well-funded groups on this campus – have this same
access ???
Dean of Students Joanne Vanin has consistently denied me access to this
list for matters of disseminating information of patriotic 9/11 Veterans
Day Flag Displays and legitimate UMass events, yet gay rights activists
at A DIFFERENT SCHOOL are allowed use of this huge email list to promote
an obviously exclusionary event at Hampshire???
UMass campus leadership continues to let nonsense like this go and then
cries to the state legislature about being under-funded and ignored -
something has to give.
Someone in Whitmore must have granted the approval to send this
extremely unnecessary email: can someone inform me who that person was?
This is an obvious misuse of power and boggles my mind.
We, as a campus community, need to do better and be more aware than
this, or else I strongly urge the elected officials of this state’s
General Court to continue to cut our funding as a campus.
With administrators like the ones we have in charge apparently asleep at
the switch yet again, we clearly don’t deserve any more funding from the
hard-working taxpayers of this state.
*For efficient tax-dollar and resource use,*
* *
*Brad DeFlumeri*
*President, UMass Republican Club *
*Petty Officer**, **United States** Naval Reserve*
-----Original Message-----
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Subject: [Rso-information] Queer Graduation invite
The Stonewall Center cordially invites you to
The 10th Annual Queer Graduation & Awards Ceremony
Monday, May 12, 2008
Memorial Hall Lounge
6:30pm: reception, 7pm: ceremony
Keynote Speaker:
Ralph Hexter, “What If the President Were Queer?”
Ralph Hexter is the president of Hampshire College and one
of the first openly gay college leaders.
Please RSVP to the Stonewall Center:
stonewall@stuaf.umass.edu, 545-4824
MY RESPONSE:
First of all Brad, you're a STUDENT at UMass. I dont know what kind of power you think you posess because you're the president of the Republican Club, but you have none. Tell me, what was your thought process when you decided that being president of what is essentially an afterschool club meant that you should be granted access to a university email database? Second of all, the keynote speaker for the event is the president of Hampshire College buddy, it's not being held there. If you'll notice, where the RSVP information is listed, the person you have to email has a UMASS email address. Third of all, unlike you, the people at the Stonewall Center are not close-minded, prejudiced people, and nowhere in that invitation was there any information that should lead you to believe this is an "exclusionary event". While it is hosted by the Stonewall Center, nowhere did it say "must be gay to attend" or anything along those lines. This is simply an opportunity for the center to hold another ceremony to commend graduating seniors for their academic achievements and to wish them good luck in future endeavors. Any senior who wants to be recognized by the center can be. Why does that bother you so much? If you don't agree with what the Stonewall Center stands for, that's fine. Don't come to our graduation then. However, the center is supported by the university, and was given permission to send out the email. Who are you to question what Joanne Vanin does? Honestly, if the way the school is run bothers you that much, maybe you should consider transferring. And to respond to your statement that it was an "extremely unnecessary email" and that sending it out was a "misuse of power" I'd say that if anyone is trying to misuse power, it's you. You use your title as Republican Club president to run around campus, forcing your ideas down other people's throats. I hate to break it to you, but while members of your club might agree with your views, not everybody does. In fact, most people don't, especially considering you go to a liberal, public university, in the Pioneer Valley, in Massachusetts. Go figure. So basically, this comes down to you sending out an angry email about something that really doesn't concern or affect you. So what if you received the email invitation? If you don't want to go, RSVP saying you're not attending, or better yet, delete the email and don't even respond. It doesn't really matter. But don't try and say that Stonewall sending out that email was unnecessary, or that there's something wrong with the administration because Joanne Vanin won't let you have access to a university email list. You're an undergraduate along with over 20,000 other people. You want to promote for things? Do it like all the other RSO's and put signs on bulletin boards around campus, or make facebook events, whatever. Just suck it up, deal with it, and get over yourself.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 9th, 2008
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1:10 pm - This Is The First Defense
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I know exactly what I'm missing.
For the first time in my life I know what I want.
The warm weather makes me want it more for some reason, but I don't mind.
I'm almost certain it's unattainable, but hey, at least I'm aware.
Otherwise I suppose life is alright.
Hectic, but I can't really complain.
My laptop is broken, but I seem to manage fine without it.
I almost died thursday night.
On my back, unconcious, with vomit in my mouth.
Unresponsive, not breathing, and a pulse so faint, they couldn't find it.
But somehow I managed to live.
That was scary.
And a wake up call.
There are many things I would still like to accomplish before I die.
A boy jumped to his death the same night, two buildings away from mine.
I've been asking myself why it was his time to die and not mine.
I don't really have an answer.
I'm glad though, and very thankful that my roomate found me in time.
To living each day as my last...
current mood: calm
current music: We Have the Facts, and We're Voting Yes[the whole cd]-Death Cab For Cutie
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, January 31st, 2008
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11:37 am - Lesson Learned
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Started this semester off right.
I fell from above the batcave but i dont remember.
The shitshow was a success.
Been going to all my classes.
it feels good.
Had an interview today.
I think it went well.
I'll find out for sure later today.
Idk, things have just been....good lately.
Jeff Bielat made me another cd of his music.
That boy is gonna be famous, I swear.
Had a really good talk with Rachel yesterday.
It was nice.
Maybe I needed that completely unexpected heart to heart.
Idk.....i just hope life stays this way for a while.
I'm really diggin it
current music: Jeff Bielat
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| Sunday, August 19th, 2007
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2:20 pm - Act On (Feeling Alone)- Reubens Accomplice
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She said take a drink off my Sprite
So you can think of me all night
Things left unsaid like
I'm amazed by this sight
And how I'd love it if you'd write
To me often to tell me how you've been
(Chorus)
We do the same things every weekend
We see the same faces every day
I wish a tornado would come
And carry me far away
So tell me your interestes
And do you think that it's for the best
That we could hang out in Houston or Phoenix
Ya wouldn't that be great
Catch a movie make it a date
And maybe next year we'll meet at the same place
(Chorus)
Well I swear your feet are wheels
By that look on your face
There's no doubt in my mind
As to how it is your feel
So don't be scared tonight
I know you're all alone
But I'll come running
Well it's sweet you ride your bike
And sometimes I wonder what it's like
To be a girl getting all the attention
(Chorus)
Now it's too late for love
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| Saturday, August 18th, 2007
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2:40 am - Don't EVER EVER EVER.....
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fucking wake me up and then proceed to piss me off because i will bitch you the fuck out....and i will not regret anything i say to you.
learn your fucking lesson?
because i am now wide awake, and very angry
current mood:  bitchy
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, August 16th, 2007
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9:32 pm - so....
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i don't know what this is...and for once i'm ok with not knowing, because i'm happy and that's all i need.
last day of work:august 25th
leave for school:august 31st
that is insane
current mood: happy
current music: I'm Doing Everything (For You)- The Rocket Summer
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| Wednesday, August 15th, 2007
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10:49 pm - I HATE........
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bad writers who steal my shit and then twist it, horribly, and pass it off as an original thought....FUCK!!!!
last night and the night before made me happy.not gonna lie.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
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1:15 am - i am hoping....
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that it's nothing, and that i'm stressing for no reason.
...calling the doctor when i wake up
but it keeps getting more painful =/
...gotta think positive
current mood:  worried
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| Sunday, July 29th, 2007
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10:14 pm - oh jeez...
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and word diarhea in 5...4...3...2...1...
my mom made me brownies!
they were hard, but it's the thought that counts
work is good
tips make it worthwhile
so does a paycheck
downside:i smell like a burnt cup of coffee
hairspray...
good movie
'nuff said
4 weeks and 5 days
then i'm off to be all collegiate and shit
NICE!
good music is the key
el place-o in the heart will always be there
but at this point i'm golden
i hopped that fence
now i'm running as fast as possible in the opposite direction
Andrew DeTorres likes to say "dear friend"
warped in a week and 4 days<3
i had a scary dream the other night
my demons
again...'nuff said
camel 9's really are the best cigarette i've ever smoked
i've never met people as fly as my best friends
damn they're a bunch of cool ass people
"heard they do anything for a klondike
well i do anything for a blonde dyke"
done
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, July 27th, 2007
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9:33 am - Much needed day yesterday
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Yesterday was such a neccessary day
after a really hard week and a relly low morning, i decided to take time for myself yesterday.
i wrote alot down in my notebook. i danced around my livingroom by myself and was happy. i closed my eyes and let the sun hit my face and felt at peace. i watched the birds and the squirrel in my backyard and wondered if they feel as small in my yard as i do in this world.
don't get me wrong, feeling small for me is a good thing. it's humbling. it reminds me that i need to take in and appreciate all that i can.
i listened to really good music and sat outside and just put my head back in order to concentrate fully on the words.
and i remembered all the good that there is in my life.
yesterday was much needed. i did alot for myself.
most importantly, i threw it all away and i felt so much better. the proverbial monkey is off my back.
take that as you will. it has more than one meaning and depending on how much you know, you may see both, or just one.
going to get ready for work
current music: Heal Yourself- Ruthie Foster
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